Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
