I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
