I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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