I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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