i permit you to call me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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