I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
