I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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