awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
