You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
