Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
