I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
