just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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