would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm just crazy horny about you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
