I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
