did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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