I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
