Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
