a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
