all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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