She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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