There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
