Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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