spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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