i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
