Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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