I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
