We're facebook friends in real life
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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