that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
