On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
