I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
