we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
