apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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