Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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