I skipped work to stalk him.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
