does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
