Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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