As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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