do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
