so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
