dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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