guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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