This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
