sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
