i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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