i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
