I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
