Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
