i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
