I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This is not my ceiling
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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