You can't special order awesome
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
