make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
